Inside the Heart of Change
By Corey Hahn

Independence is a pre-requisite for change. I moved here three years ago needing only two things in my life: to learn the art of surfing, and to become a writer. Through simple pursuits, I have gained so much more. It is now I am not only finding my home within this small town but also peace inside myself. Let the fireworks burst in the sunlight of the day, and drizzle down until they are no longer visible in the full moons light, because I am free, and living my dreams. Are you?
Often the things we fear we desire most in life. Follow the signs, the more you see the closer you are to today’s destination of your heart’s imagination, and the path chosen in current or retrospective times. You can be certain in one belief; life is bigger than the enormous space you have inside your head.
Loss is essential in the catalytically process of change. I’ve lost many things recently: family, home, job, and one thing on a long dusty road, control. The word lost seems in appropriate because I was the one paying the price in attempt to give it all away. Who’s fault has this been? The cynical drunk I had become. I’d forgotten the most important thing in life, your vision. If there is a confliction I believe to be true about Costa Rica, this place is a fertile region perfect for the growth of every individual being that succumbs to the nature of its roots. The contradiction is that the fertilization of the soul comes with sacrifice, and in this equatorial space, you have to be willing to untangle yourself in order to find your identity. Time tends to be more telling when you have nothing left to lose. The occasion called for clarity. Instead of fighting with change I had to take ownership for its necessity.
I panicked in a fiery pit of doom, shook inside my seizure infested mind, and sweated away years of alcohol addiction, by detoxifying for four days in a stranger’s home, and the womb that is this community. My body possessed a layer of leaves but with each agonizing moment of rebirth, the rain cleansed each one from the layer of dust that was lingering on me. The signs started to guide me home as I abandoned my booze bottle crutches.
There was the book Dry, the memoir of a man-seeking sobriety in rehab and society that was supplied to me by an unusual source a week prior. I wasn’t aware of the content as I read the first pages. The book quoted a character from another obscure book, The Confederacy of Dunces, the last book I had finished, and a topic of my last night of drunken debauchery with a tourist from San Diego. Music that spoke to me, the “write” opportunities, phone calls from mothers, chance meetings, and endless unsolicited help invaded my reality. The list could go on for paragraphs as they did for days, but best left as a mystery just as they appeared. Perhaps previously there, I was merely viewing them with slanted eyes. I was learning I could stand on my own two feet without my crutches, and was starting to believe I could walk with a little help from the Pura Vida Philosophy. A karma based mentality in actual existence here, not just a term used to describe a person that gives everything away.
Life is a story written, without luxury to erase past mistakes however minute or epic they prove to be. Sometimes letting the guilt associated with self-editing go is the only way to keep pursuing your own slice of destiny. Nothing is truly lost forever, only waiting to be found again in different form. There are moments of heavy despair, when everything is essential and the only choices you have are to persevere or be consumed by what is preventing you the art of truly living. Business’s close, father’s fail, love is lost, and money is wasted. Be honest with yourself and never forget that learning is fundamental in the process of becoming. Breathe in the day with respect as your companion. Long after your energy is gone and with a little fate, it will be there to give you tomorrow. You can take a step back and be a waiter again, or carry on with your head and service. Remember to be calm and listen to the ocean’s swell, not many enjoy the secret life of living well beyond yesterday.
I know my assent is only beginning and there is a steep hill ahead with mistakes and obstacles to overcome. Yet, I am optimistic, with belief that I am steering in the right direction. I have ridden many big waves in the form of lives emotions, without ever placing a fibreglass, foam board into high tide waters. Through these time trials I have developed patience and learned how to paddle towards the one wave that arrives from far away, and is mine alone. It’s under control. On July 4th, with the help of a friend, I rode my first wave as surfer. With the final stroke of my fingers, I am creating my first editorial as a long time soul writer. Enjoy the style, because I feel home and want to live inside the heart of change.